


Broken moments

by morjens



Series: Moments [4]
Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Cussing, Idiots in Love, M/M, Phone Calls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 20:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14245602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morjens/pseuds/morjens
Summary: It was at this moment Jackson knew, he fucked up.(or Namjoon calls Jackson after he knows Jackson was sent to hospital)





	Broken moments

**Author's Note:**

> Can I even write anything else than JackJoon? 
> 
> Ah, Jackson. News said he once again overworked himself and was sent to hospital. Please get well soon, Jackson, and remember to rest!
> 
> This work has nothing to do with real world, and it's solely only my imagination.

”You fucking idiot, I don’t have time for this foolery.”  
“Then stay silent. Because, honestly, I have no strength to hear what you wanna say.”  
“C’mon Jackson. We’ve been talking about this already.”  
“Yeah”, Jackson lets out slow breath. He knows he fucked up, once again. This is not how you are supposed to do these things.  
“I get to know from twitter. Is this how you do this? I don’t even get a bloody text message?”  
“You’ve learned new curse words, huh?”  
“Shut up”, Namjoon sounds annoyed and Jackson can’t help. He would too.  
“Don’t you think about me? At all?”  
“I do, I think about you. Too damn much. You know it, Joonie.”  
“Don’t”, Namjoon exhales air in slow puffs and Jackson can hear how he rolls around studio in his chair. Jackson stays silent, knowing there’s no words to fix this.  
“Please, one k-talk message would’ve been nice.”  
“I know”, he knows. He knows but he didn’t do it. Maybe, maybe he somehow hoped Namjoon would never know.  
“What do you think I feel when I scroll through my twitter feed, see your name trend and click it. And then got to know you’ve fainted in China.”  
“I don’t know.”

Because, honestly. Jackson doesn’t know. He is always the one causing Namjoon to worry. He never worries about Namjoon because he knows Namjoon is wise and doesn’t do these stupid mistakes like him. He doesn’t know, and he doesn’t want to know. Because it would mean something bad has happened.  
“I’m fine tho.”  
“And how am I supposed to know that?” Namjoon is clearly pissed off, stressed and he doesn’t need a fucking stupid secret lover to cause any problems right now, when he is about to have a comeback soon.  
“Well, you know, I am.”  
“You said it last time too. And that’s what I thought it would be. _Last_ time, as in no this kind of things would happen again.”  
“I’m sorry.” Jackson’s voice will soon betray him. He knows the sting behind his eyes, he feels the lump on his throat. He clears his voice before continuing:  
“I guess saying this will not fix this but you know how I am -- I have to do it, otherwise I would betray my fans--”  
“Shut up”, Namjoon’s voice is low but clear. Jackson can hear him tapping rapidly on table.  
“Shut up and listen to me”, he demands and Jackson doesn’t say anything. He sinks further on his hospital bed, let’s ugly bed sheets tangle on his feet and stares white walls. He knows what Namjoon is going to say and he doesn’t want to hear it.

“You said it already on the last time. And I thought you would learn. You know, usually people learn from their mistakes. I know I still lose my damn passport but you know, other mistakes. And you know, I want to trust you. Trust that when I don’t see you, you will be okay. I don’t want to wake up at night and wonder if you are alive. These things are scary. I see a headline that you are in hospital and don’t know if it’s just a scratch or if you are on a surgery. I want to know, Jackson.”  
Namjoon sounds helpless. Jackson swallows the hard lump but stays silent. Everything he thinks he would say sounds pathetic. All the lyrics he has written, all the things he has done, but now he is just silent. Words betray him on a crucial moment. 

“I don’t know if we can continue like this, Jackson.” Namjoon’s voice has lost all it’s strength. Jackson presses his head back on hospital bed and feels hot tears forming.  
“Do--don’t say that.” He wants to beg, he wants to shout, but he can’t. He is alone, but there are people outside, there will always be someone to hear him.  
“You know it too.”  
“I don’t want to stop. I-- I lo--  
“No.”

Namjoon stops his love confession and it stings. He feels like he is watching train leaving, he wants to go but his feet are glued to sand. He can’t move and watches as things slowly fall apart.  
“I know, Jackson, I know”, Namjoon says softly. Jackson tries to crab tissues from bedside table but the box drops to the floor and he watches the fall as it’s a metaphor for all of this. How everything he wants to battle for falls from his hands. And is he even strong enough to fight for those things? 

“But, if you know, we must try, Joon, we mu--”  
“Jackson”, Namjoon sounds fragile, and Jackson doesn’t want that. This is all his fault.  
“Tell me, tell me how to fix this”, he prays but knows there is no way. There is no easy steps to this mess.  
“I’m tired of this. I’m tired of being worried all the time. And I just can’t have it now, I have to focus, boys trust me. If I keep going like this I --“, Namjoon’s voice cracks middle and oh how Jackson wants to lean further, kiss it better, let him cry on his shoulder. But he cant because he messed up. 

“Let’s just not do this anymore. I fucking love you, but I cant do this anymore.”

And like that phone falls silent and Jackson is alone. Maybe he should’ve seen this coming, maybe he should’ve known Namjoon can’t bear both of theirs burdens. But love is stupid and blind, just like Jackson.


End file.
